


Headache

by sleekStingray



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-06
Updated: 2019-03-06
Packaged: 2019-11-13 00:33:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,328
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18021446
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sleekStingray/pseuds/sleekStingray
Summary: Karkat was no stranger to headaches; dull, aching that he felt never left his thinkpan. It firmly grasped his scalp and followed him wherever he went.





	Headache

Karkat was no stranger to headaches; dull, aching that he felt never left his thinkpan. It firmly grasped his scalp and followed him wherever he went. Dared to open his eyes in the morning and stretch? Headache. Put some grubsauce on the piece of bread and started chewing? Headache. His lusus woke up and decided to greet the world with a loud, fuck-you screech?

 

You guessed it: headache. 

 

Headaches took one of the leading position in his life. It could have been said that he knew it much closer and better than he knew his friends, but those assholes were an inseparable part of it all. With their complaints, dumb decisions, and unnecessary drama, they were little pieces to a skull-splitting puzzle that further made up Karkat’s headache. 

 

Today was especially bad. Not painful, per se, but annoyingly disorienting. There was a lot of things that Karkat claimed to hate, but this one thing  _ actually _ pissed him off endlessly. He took pride in the handful of things he could do well, and one of them was keeping at least some semblance of clarity of mind. It came in handy while he and his trusty group of idiots were coursing through the game, and now, on the meteor, he needed it more than ever, so not being able to distinguish if he woke up in his meteor block, or if he had prior passed out on LOPAH and was currently staring at his good old hive’s wall, was a huge issue. The more he tried to analyze his surroundings, the less sense they made; this drawer must have been from his hive, but this shitty pile of random things that served him as a weak imitation of recuperacoon had to be from the meteor, right? The floor tiles looked just like any floor should have looked, yet still off -- odd somehow, and the texture of the walls seemed strange. Not to mention the lack of windows that made this place close in around him way too tightly for comfort. There was no rhyme or reason to this place, and if he squinted at this one particular crack in the wall just hard enough--

 

His much needed concentration was broken by an annoying, repetitive chime coming from his computer. Of course this was a perfect moment for somebody to decide to bug him. Of  _ course _ . 

 

Although, it wasn’t  _ that _ gut-wrenchingly awful, if he was completely honest with himself. 

Helping other trolls with their problems can make one forget about his own, even for a little while. That, and deep, deep inside, he knew that it made him feel important. Needed. Capable. If only for a few seconds, until his  _ best pals _ discarded his (in retrospect usually shitty, anyways) advice and shat their pants even worse next time.

 

caligulasAquarium [CA] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]

 

CA: glub

CG: DID YOU MISTAKE A WINDOW? FISH, WATER AND OTHER AQUATIC THEMED CONVERSATIONS SHOULD BE FILED UNDER CUTTLEFISHCULLER. YOU GOT OFF ON THE WRONG PUBLIC SCUTTLEBUGGY STOP, PAL. OR DO YOU WANT ME TO CAVE IN AND ALSO BEGIN GARBLING INSIGNIFICANT ANIMALISTIC SOUNDS THAT BEAR NO MEANING?

CA: no just thought it wwould be funny

CA: just easin into it bein a thing i guess

CA: i mean you could if you wwanna that wwould be cool i think

CA: but wwhat wwould it be though like you cant be associated wwith anything aquatic so glubbin is off the table for you

CA: didnt you say that your lusus screeches i guess that could be it

CA: although you kinda do that already

CG: GREAT IDEA! AND MAYBE YOU COULD TAKE AFTER YOUR OWN LUSUS AND LEARN TO SHUT UP EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE. A GAG IN THE MOUTH IS OPTIONAL.

CG: AND PLEASE, I FUCKING BEG YOU, DON’T TAKE THAT IN ANY WEIRD WAY.   
CA: dont wworry i knoww youre just messin wwith me

CA: me an you wwe have that sense a humor you knoww it

CG: YEAH, I GUESS.   
CG: WHY WOULD YOU EASE IN INTO USING GLUBBING, THOUGH? IS IT NOT A THING BETWEEN YOU AND FEFERI FOR LITERAL SWEEPS NOW?

CG: OR ARE YOU TWO PRETENDING IT’S SOME FRESH NEW FAD TO GET OTHERS INVOLVED? WHICH WOULD BE STUPID BECAUSE LITERALLY EVERYBODY KNOWS ABOUT IT ALREADY, AND NOBODY CARES, NOR WILL THEY EVER START CARING ABOUT MAKING DUMBASS LITTLE FISH SOUNDS.

CG: FISH DON’T EVEN MAKE ANY SOUNDS, DO THEY? WHAT IS “GLUB” EVEN SUPPOSED TO REPRESENT? THE POP OF AN AIR BUBBLE ON THE SURFACE? HOW IN HELL WOULD FISH KNOW ABOUT WHAT THAT SOUNDS LIKE? 

CA: wwhat   
CA: no wwe only started glubbin at each other recently

CA: i mean she probably hatched glubbin but im mostly humorin her   
CA: you knoww im wway too serious to just randomly pick up on such silly rubbish myself

CG: WHAT? NO. YOU’VE BOTH BEEN GOING AT IT FOR THE LONGEST TIME NOW. MANY THINGS ABOUT ME MAY BE SHITTY, BUT NOT MY MEMORY, THAT’S FOR SURE. 

CG: WAIT A SECOND. I REMEMBER THIS CONVERSATION. AT LEAST THE WAY IT STARTED, EVEN THOUGH EVERY CONVERSATION WITH YOU IS ALMOST INDISTINGUISHABLE FROM ONE ANOTHER.

CG: YOU WOULDN’T STOP BABBLING ON ABOUT GLUBBING, THEN BRIEFLY DIPPED INTO YOUR BRILLIANT IDEAS ON HOW A TROLL SHOULD PRESENT THEMSELVES TO THEIR PEERS, AND THEN IT BARRELLED INTO A RIVETING DISCUSSION ABOUT HOW BIZARRE THE LAST FLICK YOU WATCHED, IN WHICH A TROLL IS RAISED BY A LUSUS AS USUAL BUT THEN APPARENTLY THERE WERE THREE POTENTIAL OTHER LUSII THAT CO-RAISED AFOREMENTIONED TROLL, BUT NEITHER TROLL NOR MAIN LUSUS KNOW EXACTLY WHICH ONE OF THEM COULD HAVE BEEN A CO-LUSUS. WE BOTH AGREED THAT IT WAS A STRANGE PREMISE, BUT, WHILE I WAS FOCUSED ON THEIR RELATIONSHIPS AND UNFOLDING DRAMA, YOU COULDN’T GET PAST THE UNNATURAL SETTING THAT THE MOVIE PROVIDED. 

CA: wwell fuck man twwo lusii is wway too many for any troll you knoww

CA: an four is just UNSPEAKABLE to evven try an wwrap your mind around it

CA: she wwasnt evven like a mustardblood wwith their fucked up powwers or a musclebound freak blueblood she wwas a regular olivve

CG: THIS WAS TO SHOW THAT ANY KIND OF TROLL COULD GET INTO A STRANGE PREDICAMENT THAT THEY HAVE NO CONTROL OVER, YOU DIMWIT.

CG: IN ADDITION TO THAT, I DOUBT THAT WE WOULD GET A STORY ABOUT A HIGHBLOOD THAT DOESN’T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON, AND “OVERPOWERED AND OVERCHARGED MUSTARDBLOOD” IS SUCH A SUCKY LAZY TROPE.

CG: ANYWAYS! MY POINT IS THAT WE ALREADY DISCUSSED ALL OF THIS, AND EVEN ALL OF THAT AS WELL, SO THE UNIVERSE MUST BE LOOPING IN ON ITSELF AT THIS POINT.

CG: AND TO ADD TO MY FUCKED UP BLOCK, I’LL JUST GO OUT ON A LIMB AND GUESS THAT WE’RE STUCK IN A DREAMBUBBLE. GREAT.

CA: i think its nice to sometimes retrace a convvo or twwo

CA: relaxin in a wway

 

“But, yeah, you’re right,” Eridan continued as he appeared in the block suddenly, as if he was always there, just invisible until few seconds ago. He fit this unnatural room perfectly, carrying some kind of oddness as he stood right next to Karkat, a bit too close yet barely present at all. He may as well have been another pile of laundry, so tired of its illusionary nature that it sprouted legs and tried to function on its own.

 

“And now you invite yourself into my personal space, just like the asshole you are. Relax, I guess!” Karkat made a wide gesture with his hands, mockingly inviting Eridan further into small room, “make yourself as comfortable as you can!”   
“Thanks, Kar, but I think I’ll stand for now.” Eridan-but-not quipped back in the way Eridan usually did, where Karkat couldn’t tell if he was serious or equally as sarcastic. “So, uh, how do you feel?”   
“Just peachy, never better! The splitting headache that  _ you _ worsen with your very presence each second that you stand next to me? Really adds flavor to my life, can’t help but appreciate it!”

“Even though there might be some sarcasm somewhere in there, that’s great.”

 

Eridan shifted from one foot to the other.

  
“You know,” he started carefully, “you’re takin’ this much better than I ever imagined you would. I mean, no offense, even I was kinda freaked out.”   
“What, exactly? Sharing my personal space with you? Yeah, I guess I’m taking it like a fucking champ here. The most resilient troll to ever exist? That would be me, Karkat Vantas, dragging my ass through the minefield of life like a little wriggler girl that went out to pick some flowers, only instead of flowers, my basket is full of absolute horseshit! Horseshit that I picked with my own two hands. I made a conscious choice to keep picking up those turds instead of flowers, because this is just my schtick: being a turd wrangler.”

“I... meant more the whole bein’ dead part a the deal but…” Eridan shrugged, remaining casual in the face of Karkat’s usual outbursts, “yeah, that too, I guess?”   
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Karkat bristled immediately, “Is this a  _ threat _ , Ampora?”   
Eridan squinted at him, puzzled. “Kar, we’re already dead. Well. At least  _ I  _ am. I don’t even know about you. I suppose you could be still alive? I don’t -- timelines are fucking bullshit, man, I don’t really wanna even try to get them, not right now anyway.”   
  


Dead.

 

That single word hit Karkat over the head, making previously faint headache come back full force. He didn’t even register the rest of what had been said.

 

_ Dead _ ?

 

“Yeah. Right. Hilarious. For a second you even got me there, so, congratulation, you get the title of the best prankster and commander of stupidest jokes ever. Egbert will have to get his ass from that lovingly warmed throne of his, or at least to move a bit so you could also squeeze in. And you two would rule over Land Of Idiots And Shitty Jokes, LOISJ. As you can see, abbreviation sounds stupid and ridiculous, which, of course, is incredibly fitting. Like a glove on your sweaty little magician hands. I will give you this: you are bit better at spewing absolute bullshit than usually, I think I even sensed a hint of actual irony in there, great job. So, in addition to being crowned a king of dumbass jokes, you also get a medal. It’s made of fool’s gold and has an engraving: finally said something semi-ironic. ”   
“I don’t wear gloves.” 

“I can fucking see that.”   
“Than, since you have perfectly workin’ eyes, you should also see this just as clear”, Eridan replied, and lifted up his glasses just high enough to look Karkat directly in the eyes.   
  
Ah.   
  
Of course, Karkat saw his unnaturally white irises, and sclera, and, well, overall chilly aura coming from the visitor, but he blamed it on shitty lightning, Eridan’s ridiculous thick glasses, and dreambubbles in general.   
  
“But. When did you manage to die? How did you squeeze your death in that tiny time frame of telling me about your stupid fucking -,” Karkat cut himself off. “Sorry. This is not time to dunk on you, I’m sorry. I don’t actually think your wand is that stupid, it’s just your moronic attitude - For fuck’s sake! I just went to sleep and you galloped away into depth of meteor like half a hour ago! Did you just fell down the stairs?! Did someone…”, his voice grew tired and muted, even though it’s volume didn’t change much, “murder you?”   
Eridan was silent for a bit.   
“That makes sense”, he finally spoke up, hands smoothing out folds of cape on his stomach. “We a’ from different timelines, then.”

  
Karkat tapped his leg nervously. That explained a lot, of course. Encounters with ghosts never were on his to-do list, especially ghosts whose death he had no part in. Any reminder that any of them, he or his friends could die in about a thousand ways at any moment was not comforting a lot. He then shrugged, turning away.

 

“Then I’m not dead, and am simply stuck here with you until useless hunk of meat that my tired thinkpan operates thinks it rested enough to continue on existing. Good to know.”

“That’s a stretch, an’ you know it. Maybe you are just yet to remember, wich, honestly, i wouldn’t hold off. It’s unpleasant but has to happen at some point. Do you have any unusual sensations? An’ what were you doing just before you went to sleep? Can you remember?”   
“No, I can’t. And no, I don’t want to remember, either. Sleep is irrelevant, useless activity for the weak willed, so if I resorted to it I must have been tired to death from whatever was going on. And not as in it literally killed me, that would be stupidest thing to ever happen in paradox space if that was it. Case closed.”   
“You could very well be dead”, Eridan pointed his ringed finger up in the air, as if his words held any weight this way.

 

He just  _ had _ to be irritating. Karkat bent his brows.

  
“Do you  _ want  _ me to be dead? What the fuck is wrong with you? Are you actually actively trying to be the most unlikable person ever? Because i think i really am starting to hate you with purest platonical hate that universe ever saw, nothing before and nothing after as platonic and unaffectionate as it is, dipshit.”   
“No! I don’t! I’d much rather not have anyone die anymore, ever, because it would only make this shithole even more crowded then it is, an that would just mean more trolls an… Other creatures to avoid.”   
“It really comes across this way when you insist on possibility of me being dead over and over and over, you know.”   
“Well, that means that I’m just fucking up in new ways over and over again, doesn’t it?” He ran hand thru his hair in a quick, nervous motion. “I just meant. I wanted to check on you, since I was close to this bubble, an be there so you wouldn’t have to realize you are dead all alone. Because it sucks! It’s fucking harsh, realizing that you got fucked over an’ being all alone to boost! It’s scary, an’ it  _ hurts, _ actually, physically hurts, an’ you can’t do shit till you remember what it was fully, an’ then it hurts even more, Kar. So, I thought”, he kept on fidgeting with different parts of his outfit - tugging on his scarf, grabbing and letting go fabric of the cape, adjusting glasses that were just fine before his restless hands and kept their exact position after, - “I thought that maybe if you are goin’ through it maybe  _ you  _ don’t have to do it alone. I don’t know. Kinda a sucky plan if you are not dead, huh.”

“This is surprisingly considerate of you. Great job, look at that, the praise just keeps piling on in what little time we spent in this shitty block. Maybe if only you put as much consideration towards some other trolls as into my case just now, and maybe if it happened outside of made-up dream world of imagination, it would actually count!”   
“All I do is bein’ considerate as hell! All I ever did was in the interest a’ others, I basically worked away my whole life pushing my own goals aside so others would be happy an’ this is what I’m hit with when tryin’ to help somebody yet again! Well, fuck, sorry for trying to be there for you!”   
  


They stood in front of each other, and it felt like somebody just stretched out the room as if it was a piece of clay, sticking them at the opposite ends, tiny useless figurines, legs firmly stuck inside. Karkat rubbed his temples. Fucking headache. 

 

“Okay, look, I’m sorry-”, he started up, but got cut off.

“No, it’s fine, its fair. I probably deserve that”, Eridan quickly spoke up. 

 

Block shifted closer to its original size. Just a little bit.

 

“Don’t worry, Kar”, he sighed deeply, “I know that you actually don’t hate me.”   
“And since when are you this knowledgeable? It’s kind of hard to believe that harsh reality of  _ dreambubbles  _ finally knocked some sense into your dense thinkpan”, 

“Well. I mean. Not bein’ knocked in is a evidence enough, I think. You probably… Fuck, it didn’t happen for you an’ honestly it’s not like it matters anymore”, Eridan averted his milky  eyes away, “But Kar from my timeline promised to tear me apart when we would meet, and when we did he. Didn’t keep the promise.”

“What happened?”   
“He just walked away. Doesn’t wanna be associated with me anymore. I get it, I guess, it’s just… It seemed to be so long ago now, and a lot must have happened for him, while i am stuck in this fucking limbo, gills deep in river Styx, a part of this asshole ghost soup. It sucks.”

 

Karkat scratched his neck. It was hard to imagine what Eridan could have done that must have pissed alternative version of Vantas off this much. He had no facts on his hands about whatever crimes the fishboy committed, but what he knew is that any versions of himself were prone to overreaction. It’s not like whatever Eridan did could have been worse than his infamous deeds pre-game and even in-game, and they still were friends after all that, so something must have been up with that alternative Karkat. Thinking about endless copies of himself was exhausting as is, and having confirmation that they are faulty as well was just icing on the cake.

 

“I have no idea what went down in your timeline, but maybe that other Karkat sucks? Just throwing that out. If he just cut you off because you fucked up, he must have had the very basics of your existence wrong. I would say that fucking up is an inseparable part of you that all Vantases just have to put up with. Especially me, now both in my waking and unconscious moments.”

“I just wish we could talk it out.”

 

Karkat had a lot to say to him. About his attitude, about his social skills, about his warped, moronic perception of reality and many, many other things, but. For fuck’s sake. The guy was already dead, and lonely, and miserable, stewing in this poorly stitched together realm, and beating him down any further would not get either of them any satisfaction. The whole premise of Eridan trying to help him through his presumed realisation of his own mortality and actual death was a clear and loud plea for help. After all, on the emotional front, the seadweller couldn’t see further than his own nose, seeing only muddy reflections of his desires in others. 

 

“Tell me something I don’t know”, he grumbled, catching the seadweller in a tight hug. “You’ve got problems with your thinkpan, and, in your case, they are most likely incurable. All I could hope for is that you are not contagious and none of your additional stupidity rubs off on mine.” Cold hands awkwardly draped around his shoulders.    
“Maybe there is still  _ somethin’  _ I can help you with?”   
“Can you cure chronic migraines, Prince of Hope and other such bullshit?”   
“Not heal, I’m not any good a’ that, but maybe…”, he relocated his cold palms onto Karkat’s forehead. Gesture in almost even parts sweet as it was stupid. It didn’t heal shit, of course, but created an illusion of refreshment, like laying your head on the cold side of a pillow after you woke up in the middle of the night. It worked about as well as gently dunking yourself into chilly water. It worked like placing your face right in front of the faulty fan in the midst of summer heat. Temporary solution. It worked.

 

Maybe headaches do get better? 


End file.
